For several days I have seen stories popping up about a Ukrainian veterinarian, Leonid Stadnik, who is reality's version of Marvel Comics' Juggernaut. Stadnik stands a staggering 8'5" tall, or just a shade under the height limitation on every country-road bridge overpass in North America, and is officially the world's tallest living man according to the Guinness Book of World Records. Apparently, as gathered from a few news "sources", Mr. Stadnik's unusual growth spurt started while he was a teenager and shortly after a brain operation somehow stimulated his pituitary gland, which apparently gave him mutant bike-riding powers as well. Although I have many questions about this 37 year-old goliath, such as "Why isn't he in the NBA?" or "When are size-hungry sports-obsessive parents going to start electing to have their children undergo pituitary gland surgery?", the main question of mine is why hasn't anyone who works for any of these news sources pointed out the incredible irony, or perhaps destiny, that Mr. Stadnik's first name is saturated with? Seriously, hasn't anyone ever studied the Spartan battle of Thermopylae or at least seen the movie "300"?
Lionid Stadnik, who is by definition a giant, has virtually the same phonetic name as legendary Spartan King Lionidas, who's name in Greek means "Lion-like" or "Lion's Son". King Lionidas, as the story goes, led some 300 Spartan warriors (and several thousand other Greeks) into battle against hundreds of thousands of Persian invaders and successfully stalled what was supposedly the largest army to ever have been assembled at the battle of Thermopylae(this was roughly 480 BC). Those who know the story generally agree that it pretty much makes King Lionidas the biggest badass in the history of the world, even moreso than people like William Wallace, Genghis Kahn, and Keith Richards.
So Lionid Stadnik is not only 8'5" tall, weighs well over 400 pounds, lives in the traditionally conflicted area of Kiev, Ukraine, and has been named to reflect the heroics of a King who's family tree includes Hercules, but he is also a veterinarian.
There is something wrong with this picture (and that picture too).
This dude needs to forge a battle axe from that awkward looking bike with fire and brimstone. He needs buy himself a horse, have that dwarf friend of his sew up a nice red cape, and ravage the scandal-filled country in which he was born to make free. No, Lionid Stadnik, your destiny is NOT saving puppies and kittins from Ukrainian fleas, you were given these mutant powers for a reason:
(You hear echoes)
Long live the king! Long live the king! Long live the king!
