I can't claim to be a political expert or anything, but I do follow the news and happened to notice today that the mighty American warlord, Premier Bush, is at his militant ways once again. This time, though, Mr. Bush is going after Osama Bin Laden...you know, that guy that orchestrated the first successful attack on American soil since the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor in 1941? Remember him?
Yeah, exactly! He is indeed the bearded guy who is 6'7" and tapes himself shooting guns at bunny rabbits in the desert. Exactly!
Yes, we're trying to kill him now.
What took so long? Well, we were letting him build a super-cool underground cave with cable television and a hot tub. Actually, I think Bin Laden is showcasing it on next week's episode of MTV Cribs. I can't wait to hear OBL say "And this is where the magic happens!" while pointing to his king-sized water bed resting somewhere underneath the Hindu Kush Mountain range.
No, no, imaginary friend, don't get me wrong or take my sarcasm the wrong way, I am all for capturing OBL - I just don't understand why it has taken George Bush, who apparently hates black people a bit more than Al Queda operatives, 7 years to finally get the ball rolling. I mean, How hard can he be to find? We found Saddam Hussein in like three friggin weeks and he was hiding in a spider hole on a farm in the Iraqi countryside. Bin Laden is actually living in a country that we are allied with! Or should I say "allied" with...
Now again, I'm no expert politically or militarily or tactically...or whatever...but don't we have badass technological gadgets with unbelievably precise satellites and shit that can track this guy down? We all saw the fucking Bourne Ultimatum!
Of course, who wouldn't want to track down Matt Damon and his dreamboat face?
Anyway, I just can't help to think: CONSPIRACY! So now I will just sit around to wait for Bush to announce the capture of OBL just days before the general election in November. I can see it now: President Bush on one side of Bin Laden and Republican Nominee John Mccain on the other, walking an unnecessarily shackled version of the tall and skinny terrorist to the patty wagon while ten thousand troops salute the two of them.
Ah, America. Just don't forget to confiscate his microwave oven that was paid for by the citizen collective and country abbreviated US back in 1988.
Go get 'em!
