FBI: read "Skinny Dip"!

(Disclaimer: not trying to poke fun at a potentially devastating situation or accuse a man I have never met of a crime. Just throwing out an Oliver Stone induced caution to the FBI or local Miami authorities!)

About a year ago my roommate introduced me to Miami-based author Carl Hiaasen, a quirky writer from the Miami Harold who spends his days sarcastically, or sadistically, covering the strange and unfortunate news of South Florida. Over the years Mr. Hiaasen has become more than just a journalistic figurehead in Florida, he has become a prominent novelist always eager to his share a unique outlook on his local experiences, which he has done in about a dozen drama-filled books that typically involve a homicide surrounded by a collection of characters that make The 'Burbs neighborhood look like a retirement community.

It was about a year ago that a friend of mine bought my roommate, Matt, who is from Miami, a copy of Hiassen's "Skinny Dip". Here is an excerpt from a book review of "Skinny Dip" by W. R. Greer:

Chaz Perrone should have had it all. He had a beautiful and rich wife, a doctorate in marine biology, a cushy job with the state, a lucrative scam with an agribusiness where he falsified water quality reports from the Everglades, several girlfriends, and a brand new Humvee. Unfortunately, Chaz was greedy, lazy, self-centered, adulterous, and lacking in both ethics and backbone. When he became nervous that his wife, Joey, had found about his scam, he took her on a cruise to celebrate their second anniversary and then tossed her overboard in the middle of night. He might have gotten away with it too, if she hadn't survived.

Now here is an excerpt from a news article on CNN today:

MIAMI, Florida (CNN) -- Searchers from the U.S. Coast Guard joined the hunt Friday for a cruise ship passenger reported missing after employees of the Norwegian Pearl failed to find her.

The search was centered about 15 miles east of Cancun, off the northeastern Mexico coast, said Petty Officer 3rd Class Nick Ameen, a Coast Guard spokesman.

The husband of 36-year-old Jennifer Feitz told cruise ship personnel about 3:50 a.m. that he couldn't find her, Ameen said. When a thorough search didn't locate her, the Coast Guard got a call for help.

"Initial reports indicate the guest may have gone overboard while the ship was at sea, east of Cancun," a spokeswoman for the Miami, Florida-based Norwegian Cruise Line said in a statement.

Please, FBI, take it from the master Hiaasen himself, the dude TOSSED HER OVERBOARD. I'm not saying that this fella is involved in a multi-million dollar scam to pollute the Everglades or anything extremely Hiassen like that, but I am willing to bet a cool grand that Jennifer Feitz has a hefty life insurance policy and Mr. Feitz has a copy of "Skinny Dip" in his Toyota Camry.

Think about it, FBI. Think about it...

Now let's just pray Jennifer Feitz finds a bail of Jamaican marijuana floating in the Gulf Stream and rides it all the way home to Miami.